Shocking New Weather Report


Photo Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Joshua Thompson, Centurion Staff

The weather almanac, like wiki, is trusted by many people in America, along with many students at Bucks (especially for research papers.) But some people are fearing what the weather almanac is predicting for this year’s summer.
The weather almanac is predicting that this summer is going to be hot, like really, really, really hot. So hot that if you go outside, you’ll evaporate.
Not many people were too happy about this prediction.
“I don’t want it to be hot bro. Like it can’t be hot, I’m allergic to the heat bro…” said some guy named Larry whose last name I forgot to get, but I’m sure he’s probably from around here…
Also, while writing this article some guy shouted at me that we need to build a wall to keep the sun from shining down on us, a sound idea, though it sounds kind of expensive.
Many in the area have started to panic, running out to get all the water and air conditioners they can get, before the start of this summer. Fist fights, arguments, and even dance offs all broke out at every retailer that had a fan big or small. These people, wanted to get their hands on some air conditioning.
I spoke to Dr.Quack, a science expert who studies…whatever the name is for people who study the weather, and this is what he had to say:
“I think everything is goanna be fine guys. Yeah, it’s goanna be hot, but I’m sure if you go outside, you won’t burn alive. Besides that, the earth getting warmer is normal. There is no such thing as global warming, it’s just a hoax made by aliens. Trust me, everything will be fine, I promise you.”
Shortly after that the Doctor fell asleep with a bottle of “Kool Aid” in his hand. Because I’m running on a tight schedule, I went around and quickly asked some students what they thought of this crazy weather. While I didn’t get their names, or where there from, I did get some really legit quotes.
“What’s going on now?”
“Dude slow down I can’t understand what you’re saying…”
I also tried emailing professors but they’ve yet to get back to me, so now I’m about 200 words short on this report and I don’t know what else to type, so now here comes the part where I give you advice.
Stay inside. Don’t go outside. Stay inside. Drink lots of water. Stay inside.
Make sure all doors are closed before turning on the air conditioning, otherwise you’re just gonna waste electricity, and nobody wants that.
Stay inside. Eat fruit. Did I mention staying inside?
Alright, almost at 500. So, how’s everybody’s day so far? Right now, I’m looking up prices for water and apparently, they’ve gone up by a lot…like on Amazon a bottle of water is about $50 dollars, and a whole case is $200! I probably should have just added that to the article earlier but hey now you know.
Oh, finally, I made 500 words. Well, enjoy the summer guys and remember to stay inside!