commute to the Newtown campus,
I find myself wondering how half
these idiots on the road got their
licenses in the first place.
Maybe it’s me, but I swear that
they give a license to anyone that
walks through the doors of the
DMV. And that tends to be a problem,
because it seems that two or
three times every month everyone
in the tri-state area gets together to
plan ways to try and kill me while
I’m on the road.
Now, I’m far from being a perfect
driver, believe me when I say that
I’ve driven the wrong way down a
one-way road more times than I
care to mention; but come on folks,
some of the crap I see people doing
is downright mind boggling.
Let’s take into account a week or
so ago, when driving behind a
certain bright blue S-10 that was
all tricked-out, the driver flipped
his right turn signal and pulled over
to the right shoulder.
I slowed down, and then went to
pass him, which is when he decided
to park on the left side of the street.
So let’s review that.
He pulled all the way over to the
right shoulder- to turn and park on
the left side of the shoulder. I
believe the exact words out of my
mouth were “Are you F#$%@*%
kidding me!”
I missed this guy by a foot, and
that’s probably giving him more
than he deserves.
And honestly, that wouldn’t
have bothered me so much except
that three other people tried to kill
me that day; one soccer mom, a
very old couple in a beater car and
some blonde girl in a red mustang.
I just want to know why it all happens
at once. That’s not asking for
a lot, is it?
Then again, maybe it’s better that
everyone tries to kill you on the
same day, because after the first
couple of attempts people make to
destroy my truck I find myself saying,
“Okay, it’s going to be one of
those days, great.”
But then I’m ready for them, the
seatbelt goes on, I start looking at
every vehicle as a potential assassin;
I’ll drive slower and turn my
lights on regardless of what time of
day it is.
Probably most importantly I find
myself guessing how everyone is
going to kill me, and I almost
instinctively know when someone
is going to merge without a turn signal,
look to see if anyone is there, or
stop in the middle of the road for no
reason whatsoever.
It only causes me to slam on my
breaks and horn.
Not to mention those people who
appear to be drunk on a Thursday
morning, swerving all over the
road. I know that these people
aren’t actually drunk, I hope not
anyway, and that they’re just tired
or distracted, but come on.
There’s a time and place to put
your makeup on sweetie, and it’s
not while you’re in front of me and
I’m late for class because I got
stuck behind a bus and a train. Or
those construction workers that
make their coffee while driving,
that’s what that big table in the middle
of Wawa is for, I know it can be
a little crowded, but not any more
crowded then the road. And if I see
one more businessman reading the
paper while on the road I swear a
textbook is going through his
windshield.
So people, please, be mindful
when you’re on the road, nobody
wants to get in an accident.
It’s a headache weather it’s your
fault or not. If you happen to be one
of those attending the bi-monthly
meetings to figure out ways to put
me into the median, for the love of
God stop being such idiots on the
road. You’re not going to think it’s
too funny when everyone on the
road is out to get you.
So everyone, please, drive safely,
if not for my own sanity, than for
everyone else’s safety.