Dear guy seated in front of
me at the Springsteen concert,
Ever hear that there’s a time
and a place for everything? I
have.
Sometimes things like, oh
let’s say getting three sheets
to the wind or stoned, could
be a big deal depending on
your location.
Maybe if you were with
your Frat buddies and nailing
cup after cup in beer pong or
sitting down blazed to
videogames or watching
“The Wizard of Oz” to Pink
Floyd’s “The Wall.”
It’s so crazy, right?
Well, you get the idea.
They would be more
acceptable places to smoke
your brains out and get hammered.
I’m not going to pretend to
be a saint. I’ve gone through
my late teens and early twenties
like everyone else.
What strikes me, however,
as inappropriate, is you
choosing to gulp down four
or five $8 beers in a half hour
and finishing up the binge
with a cig and joint as you are
sandwiched between a 50-
year-old couple, four soccer
moms out on a girls night out
and in front of two families:
Mine, consisting of my mom,
dad and 13-year-old brother
and a nice looking family of a
mother, father and two girls
ages 7 and 10.
Do you have no shame?
Again, I’m not offended,
but, light your doobie in front
of my youngest brother and I
will pound your face into the
bleachers.
What was also alarming
was that you drove away
three females from your
vicinity because you were hitting
on them.
Calling reject hotline.
Two chicks did not appreciate
your hand on the smalls
of their respective backs to
the point of them informing
your less-intoxicated buddy
before leaving. “Get your
drunk friend some help.”
Then, the woman with the
decent body in front of you
was your next target. You
uttered to your friend you
thought she was 23. I
believed this until she turned
her face toward me and I realized
this woman, as good as
she looked, was in no way,
shape or form under 35.
Good call homie. Beer goggles
much?
And finally, I told you I was
not interested in returning
your high five and no, I’m not
thirsty.
Instead I just commented
that you “Party harder than
my dad over here.”
Let’s rock and roll!
My dad got tickets and my
family and I took an excursion.
Let’s not maul one of my
father’s most glorious of days
with the memory of that jackass
who wobbled in front of
him the whole time and gave
his son an asthma attack.
So, this is what is going to
happen here. You are one day
going to do this again. Idiots
like you can’t help it. And at
some point in time, your ass
will be handed to you by
someone who thinks your
behavior justifies a can of
whoop-ass being cracked
open.
So I offer you no advice. I
hope they break your nose.
Then, maybe, you’ll learn
yourself a lesson.
Thanks,
Laura