Dear “Pee-buddy,”
First, let’s just take a
moment and reflect on that
introduction: “pee-buddy.”
Yep, ok.
I think I have to take a
moment and explain to the
good readers out there why
on God’s green Earth I am
writing a letter to a pee
buddy.
Well, it starts as I am innocently
walking into a public
restroom and you, kind lady,
walked in simultaneously.
Maybe it’s because I held the
door for you, maybe it’s
because I have a nice smile-I
don’t know the reason, but
here’s where you exclaim in
near-giddy hysterics, “Looks
like you’re going to be my
pee buddy!”
Oh, okay, because we are
both going to be peeing, good
call.
So here I am praying that
there are 50 other people in
the restroom so that I don’t
have to be your pee buddy.
Maybe someone else can be
your pee buddy. Alas, it’s just
you and me, pee buddy.
I think it’s over, the random
awkwardness created out of
nowhere by a woman that
probably wears a sweatshirt
with multiple kittens on
it.in public.
But it’s not. It’s not like you
creeped me out to the point of
turning around and holding
it in, I just had no idea what it
means to be someone’s pee
buddy. I had never been one
before. So let me explain once
more to the public what you
have to do when you’re
someone’s pee buddy,
because they could be as
ignorant as I was.
When you are a pee buddy,
you need to carry a constant
conversation while peeing
with the complete stranger
who is overly elated to be
peeing in harmony with you.
I’m sorry I can’t recall what
it was you were saying to me,
but I do remember what I
said to you. I did what any
person would do when faced
with a completely bizarre situation
they were otherwise
stuck in: I talked about the
weather. It was rainy.
I also mouthed, “Are you
for real?” the second I closed
the stall door and doublechecked
if it was locked.
Sometimes, some people
are less comfortable with
things than you are.
Sometimes things like mouthkissing
people hello or talking
while standing really
close to another person is
going to come as an awkward
and painful situation for
someone, even though it
could be completely normal
and second nature to you.
Being your pee buddy was
a first for me, and lady, I
gotta tell you, I was really
disturbed.
Do you now see where that
sounds a little off-being a
“pee buddy?”
I just hope in the future you
pose a question like, “Hey,
looks like we’re both going to
be urinating here today, let’s
talk about it as we relieve
ourselves.”
I think a little warning is
needed, and then when your
next pee buddy knows what
they’re in for, they can make
an informed decision about
going or holding it in.
Thanks,
Laura