Dear cab driver that hit my
car,
You jerk.
I am not from the city, nor
am I accustomed to driving in
the city.
It appears that city driving
is dangerous and angry and
damages cars, but I have a
vehicle that I care about
somewhat, so your aggressive
driving and behavior
was not appreciated.
Here I am all dressed up
with my friend out on the
town when we are blessed by
the parking fairy with a perfect
spot in Old City.
I am preparing to parallel
park-I throw on my blinker,
pull up to the car in front of
the spot I want and throw it
in reverse. And just as I am
about to let go of the gas,
what do you do, but pull up
right behind me.
Not cool, I’m trying to park
in this awesome space.
So when I give you a universal
signal (because as I
later learn, you don’t speak
English) to back the hell up
before someone else pulls up
behind you, you ram into the
back of my car.
Was that your universal
symbol for I am a total miscreant?
Then, like the epitome of
nastiness, you pull around
me, shoving more traffic out
of your dented taxi’s way,
and start yelling at me in a
language that I do not speak.
It is not until you are frightened
off by a meter maid,
who called you the name of a
bodily orifice, when my
friends and I throw you
another universal symbol,
and you peel off in search of
someone else to bother.
Listen buddy: you’re messing
with the wrong chick.
I am thankful that my car
was not damaged, as the last
$30 I owe in financing is in
the mail and I await the title.
But, I was wearing a dress,
and that doesn’t happen very
often, and the whole way
down to Philadelphia we
kept saying what a great
night we were going to have,
and you go and make sure
that before the great night
could begin, we needed to
remember why it is we hang
out in the burbs more often-
we dislike the creeps that
infest our city.
By creeps, I mean the people
who kill, rape, maim, rob,
damage or commit any other
crime. And yeah dude,
aggressively ramming into
the back of someone’s car as
they are about to park is only
a few ladder rungs down
from snatching up an old
lady’s purse.
So, you suck.
And I hope there is a red
spot on the front of your car
and you got in trouble with
your boss. And I hope you
didn’t make any money all
night long and you’re going
to be late on your rent and
have to work overtime and
that no one gets into your cab
because you’re mean. And I
had to go find another parking
spot too!
So get bent.
Thanks,
Laura