Ever wonder what love or
falling in love is? What’s the
definition of a romantic relationship?
The key aspects of a
relationship? Well these questions
are answered by Caroline
“Carrie” Genovese, the behavioral
science adjunct professor
at Bucks. She’s also a licensed
professional counselor.
“Love is about wanting
someone not needing someone
and about being able to care for
and about yourself. It takes
maturity and sophistication to
manage love,” says Carrie.
She said she read somewhere
that the body changes and
there’s these biochemical
changes which could be the
reason why we can’t eat or
sleep.
She mentioned that your
emotions stem from that person
and they can impact your
personality.
“While falling in love,
you’re consumed by that person.
Thoughts and behaviors
revolve around that person,”
says Carrie.
She says while some people
describe the process of falling
in love as having butterflies in
their stomachs when around
the person, others say they start
realizing that they are constantly
thinking about the person.
“For some their body tells
them, ‘I want to vomit, or have
a dry mouth.”
They’re a wreck. Some it’s
their brain thinking
about when
they will
be talking
to
t h em
next.
“Others
act or dress differently,”
says
Carrie.
She also said love and hate
are similar because you think
about that person. You think of
how you will get back at them
for what they did. And you
think about how they’re doing.
“Usually behind
hate is hurt. We’re
normally hurt by
people we care
about”
Carrie says that people in a
successful relationship will
have compatible values, really
good communication skills,
personal awareness- knowing
you’re not holding your partner
accountable for past baggage.
While talking
a b o u t
” p e r –
s o n a l
awareness,”
she brought up a
story that happened while she
was dating her now husband.
“My mom always ran out of
gas. I wanted to tell him so he
didn’t think I was a freak. I
would always ask him if a
quarter of gas was enough,”
says Carrie.
As for defining a relationship,
she thinks it’s up to the
couple.
“I think they should define it
as something, whether it’s
we’re just dating or hanging
out. If you don’t label it, someone
is at risk of breaching the
expectations in the relationship,”
says Carrie.
Her key elements to a relationship
are erotic,
with a happy
ending, intimate
and
romantic.
“Intimacy
is a deep,
understanding,
raw and fragile. It
doesn’t have to be sex.
I don’t see it as sex; I see it
as divulging your soul.
Gestures that show someone
you like them are romantic.
Love should have all three of
those,” says Carrie with a
smile.
She also discussed reality
shows.
“Everything is paid for. You
don’t have a couple that could
deal with conflict. You’re worried
about who wins the next
date,” says Carrie.
When asked about trust in a
relationship, she said it will
grow overtime and when it’s
challenged it makes the relationship
fragile.
“If you can trust your partner,
you realize ‘I don’t have to
know everyone on their contact
list,'” says Carrie.
Her advice is to allow yourself
to get uncomfortable while
talking about the subject
you’re worried about to fix the
situation.
“Realize your relationship is
much more significant than
that party or that e-mail,” says
Carrie.
Carrie has been married for
11 years to Keith Noto. The
reason why she never changed
her last name is because she
had started her practice and
wasn’t sure if people would
recognize her name if it was
different.
“One day I hope we can put
our names together to form
‘Genoto,’ that’s why my e-mail
is that,” says Carrie.
Her final words of wisdom.
“o one knows if
love will end but
know that the
courage to love is
admirable”
“Healing from the loss of
love takes time, but everyone
can heal from it, taking
as much time as you need.
But eventually you should
consider finding love
again.”