One of the rules of Centurion Chairball is if it’s your first night at Chairball, you have to play. I believe I have found the ultimate sport. Developed by Entertainment Editor J.M. Yingst, and myself, Chairball combines the best things from all of the major sports. Chairball has a little bit of everything – the fast-paced action of basketball, the full-contact roughness of football and the roller-action of street hockey. Finally, there is a sport that the everyman can enjoy. It is a sport in which both men and women can share equally. A sport that – dare I say it – is the greatest sports-innovation of our time. I present to you – Chairball.

Centurion Chairball Rules:
1: Mark A. Rowland and J.M. Yingst are the commissioners and board of trustees, making them always in the right. Mark and J.M. reserve the right to clarify, renew and make new rules before and after the game, never during the course of the game.

2: Full contact, but you may not pull or push others from chairs. Foul shots follow if in the action of shooting or driving. No excessive holding of any particular part of the chair. Foul shots follow if in the action of shooting or driving.

3: No leaving of the chairs at anytime. Foul shots follow if in the action of shooting or driving.

4: Holding, hitting, and pulling of the arms is legal, but legs are not to be touched. Foul shots follow if in the action of shooting or driving. No scratching or bitch-like moves are permitted. Foul shots follow if in the action of shooting or driving.

5: You do not talk about Chairball….and if it’s your first time at Chairball you got to play.

6: Foul shots are two shots to make only one point.

7: Games of one on one play straight to 15, with two one minute timeouts per each team. Games of two on two play straight to 25, and three on three to 35, pending the same timeout rules.

8: 3 point shots are behind desks’ lines, 4-point from the apex of the desks.

9: If the shooting team doesn’t hit the wall, rim, or backboard from above the rim, the ball is free to shoot, but otherwise the ball must be taken back to the 3-point line.

10: If anyone bitches about the rules, see rule #1.