In a shocking announcement,
Arizona Sen. John
McCain and Illinois Sen.
Barack Obama apparently
have more in common than
just their presidential aspirations.
They’re father and son!
McCain announced his relationship
at a joint press conference
earlier this week.
“This revelation brings tears
to my eyes. To find out that
my own flesh and blood
could actually have a personality
that doesn’t make people
fall asleep. It’s breathtaking.”
Obama was just as shocked
as his father. “I am as surprised
as anyone. But the
hope that this realization
instills in me makes me as
proud as can be. McCain.I
mean, Dad, and I disagree on
a lot of the issues, but we will
always be connected through
this bond.”
The news first broke earlier
this week in Philadelphia,
where Obama was rallying
supporters for the April 22
Pennsylvania primary. It was
revealed that McCain met
Obama’s mother shortly after
graduating from flight school
in 1960. The two fell deeply in
love, but McCain was forced
to leave for the Vietnam War
without saying goodbye, and
without ever finding out that
she was pregnant with
Barack. She shortly thereafter
remarried, and never told her
son of her brief encounter
with McCain.
When asked what Obama
would do if he had to face off
against McCain in the general
election, the 46-year-old
responded, “It would be the
first time that a father and son
faced off against each other in
a presidential election. It really
is tremendous that two
men from opposite sides of
the political and
ethnic spectrum can truly
be united as family. It just
fills me with so much hope,
so much hope and so many
dreams . It proves that we
truly are one America with
hope and dreams and some
more hope.”
“My friends, this is a time
for celebration. A time for
those who believe in hope
and even those who believe
that hope is a platitude to
rejoice,” said a smiling
McCain. The two hugged and
even appeared to shed tears
during the press conference.
However, some aren’t celebrating
the recent family
reunion.
“This is an outrage! We all
thought that John McCain
was already a closet
Democrat, and now he has
actually fathered someone
whose middle name is
Hussein!” said conservative
talk show host Rush
Limbaugh.
“This is the last straw,
ladies and gentlemen. Not
only is John McCain a liberal
and closet Democrat, but
after hearing this I’m sure
he’s working with Al Qaeda.
He is actually accepting that
his son is Barack Obama. If I
were him, I’d go on Springer
and demand a DNA test.”
Another person not
impressed by the revelation
was New York Sen. Hillary
Clinton, who is battling with
Obama for the Democratic
nomination. “This is just
more proof that we don’t
know where Sen. Obama
stands. First he’s against John
McCain, and now he’s hugging
him and showing support
for him. I don’t believe
we can elect a man that
would jump from ship to ship
like that. Shame on you,
Barack Obama!”
Obama attempted to quiet
the critics last night with a
speech in front of a packed
audience in Pittsburgh.
“Martin Luther King
believed that all Gods’ children
were created equally.
He dreamed that we could all
one day live in harmony
together. That dream is what
my father and I are fulfilling.
Only in this great country we
call America could two different
people unite with the love
that only a father and son can
share. I believe that if we can
realize this dream and get
past the partisan hatred, than
the American people can as
well.”