Yellow eyes glitter balefully
in the light of the full moon as
they track the movement of
several Bucks students
trekking to their cars after
evening class.
The night is cold and the
group takes up a brisk pace,
feet stamping the pavement
and breath visible in the
frigid air.
The watcher, however,
seems oblivious to the chill as
he crouches within the
shrouded gloom of Tyler
Woods, idly watching the
progress of the young people.
But then, suddenly, one student
becomes separated from
the rest, and the watcher sees
his opportunity. Gaze sharpening
with intensity, he
moves soundlessly through
the brush, careful not to disturb
the aged leaves and
twigs that litter the ground
for fear of alerting the prey to
his presence. Luck is with
him, though, for the night is
windy and even a misstep is
not likely to betray him.
Even so, he is careful to
remain within the woods concealing
shadows until the last
possible moment as he draws
relentlessly closer to the
unsuspecting collegiate who
is by now within a whisker of
reaching the safety of the car.
But, alas, the student does
not make it in time and,
instead, becomes victim number
seven in a series of bizarre
attacks that have plagued
Bucks since early February.
Because of the unusual nature
of the attacks, rumors are
rampant and, as is often the
case, contradictory and widely
differing.
One student, his voice highpitched
with excitement,
insists he saw what appeared
to be a very large cat, “like a
cougar maybe,” lurking in the
trees outside Tyler Hall as he
was leaving class on Monday
night. “I’ve heard of cougar
sightings in residential areas,
but I never believed them till
now.”
Another student claims she
was accosted in the parking
lot a week ago by a sicklylooking
fox that she fears was
rabid. “It was frothing at the
mouth and its eyes looked
crazy. I thought for sure it
was going to go after me, but
then it just ran off.”
Another student is certain
he saw a wolf wandering
around the baseball diamond.
But, all rumors aside, it turns
out that the dastardly perpetrator
of the villainous acts is
nothing more fearsome than
your average, run-of-the-mill
undomesticated tabby cat.
Commonly referred to as
“feral” because it lives in the
wild, surviving on the land
with little or no contact with
humans, these cats are not
new to the college grounds.
Feral cat colonies are unfortunately
all too common and
are likely to be found in heavily
wooded areas (not unlike
the homeless human population)
and near fast food
restaurants.
But what is
new is their
sudden seeming
hostility
toward Bucks
s t u d e n t s .
Notoriously
shy, feral cats
ordinarily go
out of their
way to avoid
all human conflict
and that’s
why the inexplicable
rash
of aggressive
confrontations
is so baffling.
Fortunately,
none of the
seven students
targeted by the
rampaging kitties
has sustained any injuries
more serious than cat scratch
fever and severe fright.
Victim seven, Darrin
Sherwood, mathematics
major, was visibly shaken
when he reported the incident
minutes later to a security
guard. Tugging at the ends
of his 80s-rocker Ted Nugent
sweatshirt, he described the
cat as “very threatening”
with its back arched and hair
standing on end. “It was
growling and hissing all over
the place and even when I
tried to kick it, it wouldn’t
back off. It was like it was
somehow attached to the base
of my pant leg.” Sherwood
says after a minute or so the
animal let out a piercing
shriek and then disappeared.
Attempts are being made to
see if there is a common
denominator between the victims
that might explain why
one student is fair game and
another is left alone.
What is known is that the
student-cat encounters are
likely to occur in the evening
hours (cats are nocturnal)
and, more often than not, in
parking lot A-probably due
to the nearby forest that provides
both camouflage and
shelter for the angry pusspusses.
All victims thus far have
been male, and it has been
firmly established that all
share an intense dislike for
cats and, curiously, a partiality
for using the word “dude”
in conversation.
Sympathetic to the plight of
the homeless animals, Denise
Green, a special education
major, offers a unique perspective
on the attacks. “I
think, ridiculous as it might
sound, that they are only
going after a certain type of
individual.” Green goes on
to say that she is familiar with
two of the men accosted and
that they are known “cathaters.”
One, she says,
attempted to run a cat down
with his car just the night
before he was attacked, and
the other Green says was
overheard saying he had
taken an anatomy and physiology
class just so he could
“gut a cat.”
Whatever the reasons for
the unusual happenings, students
are being urged not to
loiter in lot A after dark and
to be on guard for any little
pusser, yes you’re suck a
good kitty, oooo I could just
eat you up you’re so cute,
that appears seriously pissedoff.
